Grief and How to Overcome it
To them, God will say, `Enter Paradise; no fear shall come upon you, nor shall you grieve.’
Grief is the opposite of Happiness. We all have to experience different degrees of Sadness, Grief, Pain … The only place that does not have Grief and only happiness is Jannah (Paradise in the hear after).
The first thing believers will say when they enter Paradise:
وَقَالُوا الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي أَذْهَبَ عَنَّا الْحَزَنَ ۖ إِنَّ رَبَّنَا لَغَفُورٌ شَكُورٌ | They will say, ‘All praise belongs to Allah, who has removed all grief from us. Indeed Our Lord is all-forgiving, all-appreciative, | Faatir : 34
The state of grief includes all types of non-happiness, such as: Sadness, Pain, feeling down, depressed, grief, calamity … Any time that things do not go the way you want will be part of this state.
Grief is one of the spiritual/mental sicknesses. It is a state that we have to go through it in our life. Grief is the opposite of Happiness. In our journey to happiness, we need to understand Grief and how to overcome it quickly.
Through the history of the prophet (PBUH), he had passed through it. The year of the Grief when his uncle and his wife died in the same year. Also, when he lost his son Ibrahim
إن العين تدمع والقلب يحزن ولا نقول إلا ما يرضى ربنا وإنا بفراقك يا إبراهيم لمحزونون
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
We went with Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah’s Apostle took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif’s house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, “O Allah’s Apostle, even you are weeping!” He said, “O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy.” Then he wept more and said, “The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
For the Sahabah, their biggest grief was from losing the company of the profit (PBUH) in this life.
Stages of Grief
There are five stages in Grief. Those are the stages that psychologists observed in human behavior during Grief. We might go through some or all of them during our grief.
Denial
وقف عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله عنه، وما أدراك ما عمر بن الخطاب في عقله ورزانته وحكمته وإلهامه، وقف وقد أخرجته الكارثة عن وعيه يقول: “إن رجالاً من المنافقين يزعمون أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم توفي، وإن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ما مات
When the Prophet (PBUH) dies, it was a huge shock for the Sahabah, especially Omar (May Allah be pleased with him). Omar (May Allah be pleased with him) was in a state of denial at the beginning. He denied the news of death until Abu Bakr (May Allah be pleased with him) confirmed it.
Anger
The Prophet (ﷺ) passed by a woman who was weeping beside a grave. He told her to fear Allah and be patient. She said to him, “Go away, for you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine.” (Bukhari)
مرَّ النبي — صلى الله عليه وسلم — بامرأة تبكي عند قبر، فقال: “اتقي الله واصبري!”، قالت: إليك عني، فإنك لم تُصب بمصيبتي!
Bargaining
We might make duaa to replace the calamity or make promises if it is healed
قُلْ مَن يُنَجِّيكُم مِّن ظُلُمَاتِ الْبَرِّ وَالْبَحْرِ تَدْعُونَهُ تَضَرُّعًا وَخُفْيَةً لَّئِنْ أَنجَانَا مِنْ هَٰذِهِ لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الشَّاكِرِينَ
سورة : الأنعام — Al-An‘ām — الجزء : ( 7 ) — الصفحة: ( 135 )
Say (O Muhammad SAW): “Who rescues you from the darkness of the land and the sea (dangers like storms), when you call upon Him in humility and in secret (saying): If He (Allah) only saves us from this (danger), we shall truly be grateful.”
Depression
When the grief takes longer, it might affect our lives. We might feel down and lose our motivation to continue. In this stage, people might not be able to work and they might have less interest in enjoying their life.
Acceptance
This stage is the beginning of healing. It might need some work to accept the situation. Acceptance does not mean we are happy with the outcome or we support it. Instead, it means that we are adjusting to accommodate it in our life and keep moving forward.
Abu Huraira reported God’s Messenger as saying, “Act kindly toward women, for they were created from a rib and the most crooked part of a rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain crooked; so act kindly towards women.” (Bukhari and Muslim.)
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “A believer must not hate (his wife) believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another”.
[Muslim].
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : ”لا يفرك مؤمن مؤمنة إن كره منها خُلقا رضي منها آخر”
((رواه مسلم)).
Healing Stages:
Patience الصبر
And give good tidings to the patient who, when misfortune befalls them, say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:- (Chapter2 vs156)وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُمْ بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوفْ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الأَمَوَالِ وَالأنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere,
وبشر الصابرين الذين إذا أصابتهم مصيبة قالوا إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون أولئك عليهم صلوات من ربهم ورحمة وأولئك هم المهتدون
give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere,Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:- They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.
Patience is Acceptance by heart and not complaining. The state of Patience is the state of acceptance. It is still hearting and you might not like it but you are accepting and tolerating it (patient). You make space for the new reality in your life.
Contentment الرضا
This stage comes after Acceptance and Patience. You are not only accepting the calamity but content and happy about it. This comes from knowing the reward and that there is always goodnesses coming out of it.
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم “عجبا لأمر المؤمن إن أمره كله له خير، وليس ذلك لأحد إلا للمؤمن : إن أصابته سراء شكر فكان خيراً له، وإن أصابته ضراء صبر فكان خيراً له” ((رواه مسلم)).
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him”.
[Muslim].
Gratitude الشكر
The state of gratitude is higher than contentment and patience. In this stage, you always look at the half-full of the cup. Always look for the positive that comes out of the calamity.
Ibn al-Qayyim reported: Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah, may Allah have mercy on him, said to me once, “What can my enemies do to me? My paradise and my garden are in my heart wherever I go and they are never separated from me. If I am imprisoned, then it is seclusion for worship. If I am killed, then it is martyrdom. If they expel me from my land, then it is tourism.”
“If I gave them gold to fill this castle, will not be enough to thank them on the good they gave to me.”
Source: al-Wābil al-Ṣayyib 1/48
عن ابن القيم قَالَ وَقَالَ لِي شَيْخَ الْإِسْلَامِ ابْنَ تَيْمِيَّةَ رحمه الله مَرَّةً مَا يَصْنَعُ أَعْدَائِي بِي أَنَا جَنَّتِي وَبُسْتَانِي فِي صَدْرِي أَيْنَ رُحْت فَهِيَ مَعِي لَا تُفَارِقُنِي أَنَا حَبْسِي خَلْوَةٌ وَقَتْلِي شَهَادَةٌ وَإِخْرَاجِي مِنْ بَلَدِي سِيَاحَةٌ
لو بذلت لهم ملء هذه القلعة ذهبا ما عدل عندي شكر هذه النعمة، أو قال: ما جزيتهم على ما تسببوا لي فيه من الخير ونحو هذا.
1/48 الوابل الصيب من الكلم الطيب
More about the state of gratitude can be found in the following resources:
Paradise الجنة
In religion, Paradise is a place of exceptional happiness and delight. Paradisiacal notions are often laden with pastoral imagery, and may be cosmogonical or eschatological or both, often compared to the miseries of human civilization: in Paradise, there is only peace, prosperity, and happiness. Paradise is a place of contentment, a land of luxury and fulfillment.
To them, God will say, `Enter Paradise; no fear shall come upon you, nor shall you grieve.’
Grief is the opposite of Happiness. We all have to experience different degrees of Sadness, Grief, Pain … The only place that does not have Grief and only happiness is Jannah (Paradise in the hear after).
The first thing believers will say when they enter Paradise:
وَقَالُوا الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي أَذْهَبَ عَنَّا الْحَزَنَ ۖ إِنَّ رَبَّنَا لَغَفُورٌ شَكُورٌ | They will say, ‘All praise belongs to Allah, who has removed all grief from us. Indeed Our Lord is all-forgiving, all-appreciative, | Faatir : 34
References
https://www.almaany.com/quran-b/%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AD%D8%B2%D9%86/
